I so enjoyed listening to this episode! I always find it so interesting how intense the reaction I have can be to people with substantially higher incomes than me, who also want to earn more. This feels vulnerable to admit in a public forum, but I notice so many of my own feelings arise hearing Cody talk about being a high-earner and desiring to earn more... is it jealousy that I feel? Or some sort of judgment? And where does that come from? I've simmered on this for a while because obviously this isn't the first time it has come up for me and I can't seem to figure out exactly what the root of it is. On the one hand, my wise adult mind is totally cheering Cody on and celebrating their success. And on the other hand, this little insidious voice is throwing a whole "must be nice" pity party. What's that about?! I wonder what the antidote to this is. How can I celebrate other people's success and not fall into comparison traps when this entire capitalist system functions to constantly nudge us into comparison?!
Also love that "Look good. Feel good. Be good." part at the end. Made a little list! Permission to prioritize giving myself those things!
I really appreciate you sharing this, Kelsey. I think it's a super relatable feeling for many of us! I know I sometimes struggle with it myself, which to be honest is why the deep understanding of my own enough number has been so freeing, because it gives me something to continually come back to and orient around when the comparison/jealousy arises.
I also wonder: what if that initial hit of jealousy or comparison weren't a problem? Just sort of a neutral emotional experience that makes so much sense within our current systems. What if I didn't make it "mean" anything? That's something I'm asking myself, anyway. I'm also always trying to remember that each person's situation is unique and nuanced, and therefore might require vastly different resources than what I currently need/want. Like, how would my own enough number change if I were unpartnered? If I had debt? If I had children? If I were financially supporting other loved ones? If I lived in a different place? If I had a disability? Remembering the vast differences at play helps soothe me too, for some reason.
Oooh actually as I think about this more... I wonder if more than jealousy it's actually my own feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt that are coming up. I realize I hear other peoples' bigger numbers and a part of me actually goes "Is my enough number enough? Is my lifestyle enough? Am I enough? Am I doing something wrong by not wanting/needing more? Am *I* somehow LESS THAN?" Oof. So helpful to realize this part though so thank you!
Thanks for sharing this. I sometimes still have that reaction too. For it comes more from a place of not feeling like I am enough, or capable of earning as much as the person talking. Which when I step back is ridiculous because a) what I earn now feels sufficient when I’m not comparing myself to others and b) 10 years ago I didn’t think I would be able to earn much more than minimum wage.
This was such a great episode. As someone who has followed a very traditional career path (get degree, then work at corporate job, rely on steady paycheck), I find it wildly fascinating when people like you and Cody talk about the non-traditional ways of making a living. When Cody was talking about making multiple six-figure income for years, the "go to school, get steady job" part of my brain just exploded. I don't think I could handle the swings and the uncertainty of non-traditional career paths, but I'm so impressed by all of you who do such amazing work and create such varied and interesting careers.
It's a wild ride, to be sure! I've talked about this a lot in the past, but for me the thing that makes the up and down income (and shitty health insurance/no benefits) worth it is the creative autonomy and time wealth. That matters so much to me!
Thank you for the nudge about - when you reach your enough number, then what? I recently got promoted and now feel fortunate to have reached my enough number. I am partnered and childfree by choice so that plays into this.
I already work 90% FTE so my hope is that if my income increases further, I can reduce my hours further towards a 4-day week and beyond.
I could then focus more energy on things that society doesn’t value monetarily - art, rest, community action, further study etc.
I’m in my early 30s and I’ve found even this small change does tend to get some *reactions* from people who feel we should be saving and climbing the career ladder. But it feels so freeing to just do it anyway!
Yeah this has been a big area of exploration and experimentation for me in the past two years of consistently being able to pay myself a salary within my own enoughness range. Unlearning the deeply conditioned urge to just... keep working and working and earning and earning no matter what.
I so enjoyed listening to this episode! I always find it so interesting how intense the reaction I have can be to people with substantially higher incomes than me, who also want to earn more. This feels vulnerable to admit in a public forum, but I notice so many of my own feelings arise hearing Cody talk about being a high-earner and desiring to earn more... is it jealousy that I feel? Or some sort of judgment? And where does that come from? I've simmered on this for a while because obviously this isn't the first time it has come up for me and I can't seem to figure out exactly what the root of it is. On the one hand, my wise adult mind is totally cheering Cody on and celebrating their success. And on the other hand, this little insidious voice is throwing a whole "must be nice" pity party. What's that about?! I wonder what the antidote to this is. How can I celebrate other people's success and not fall into comparison traps when this entire capitalist system functions to constantly nudge us into comparison?!
Also love that "Look good. Feel good. Be good." part at the end. Made a little list! Permission to prioritize giving myself those things!
I really appreciate you sharing this, Kelsey. I think it's a super relatable feeling for many of us! I know I sometimes struggle with it myself, which to be honest is why the deep understanding of my own enough number has been so freeing, because it gives me something to continually come back to and orient around when the comparison/jealousy arises.
I also wonder: what if that initial hit of jealousy or comparison weren't a problem? Just sort of a neutral emotional experience that makes so much sense within our current systems. What if I didn't make it "mean" anything? That's something I'm asking myself, anyway. I'm also always trying to remember that each person's situation is unique and nuanced, and therefore might require vastly different resources than what I currently need/want. Like, how would my own enough number change if I were unpartnered? If I had debt? If I had children? If I were financially supporting other loved ones? If I lived in a different place? If I had a disability? Remembering the vast differences at play helps soothe me too, for some reason.
Again: thanks for taking the time to share!
Oooh actually as I think about this more... I wonder if more than jealousy it's actually my own feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt that are coming up. I realize I hear other peoples' bigger numbers and a part of me actually goes "Is my enough number enough? Is my lifestyle enough? Am I enough? Am I doing something wrong by not wanting/needing more? Am *I* somehow LESS THAN?" Oof. So helpful to realize this part though so thank you!
Such a helpful insight! Love that we are processing this together in real time :)
Thanks for sharing this. I sometimes still have that reaction too. For it comes more from a place of not feeling like I am enough, or capable of earning as much as the person talking. Which when I step back is ridiculous because a) what I earn now feels sufficient when I’m not comparing myself to others and b) 10 years ago I didn’t think I would be able to earn much more than minimum wage.
This was such a great episode. As someone who has followed a very traditional career path (get degree, then work at corporate job, rely on steady paycheck), I find it wildly fascinating when people like you and Cody talk about the non-traditional ways of making a living. When Cody was talking about making multiple six-figure income for years, the "go to school, get steady job" part of my brain just exploded. I don't think I could handle the swings and the uncertainty of non-traditional career paths, but I'm so impressed by all of you who do such amazing work and create such varied and interesting careers.
It's a wild ride, to be sure! I've talked about this a lot in the past, but for me the thing that makes the up and down income (and shitty health insurance/no benefits) worth it is the creative autonomy and time wealth. That matters so much to me!
Thank you for the nudge about - when you reach your enough number, then what? I recently got promoted and now feel fortunate to have reached my enough number. I am partnered and childfree by choice so that plays into this.
I already work 90% FTE so my hope is that if my income increases further, I can reduce my hours further towards a 4-day week and beyond.
I could then focus more energy on things that society doesn’t value monetarily - art, rest, community action, further study etc.
I’m in my early 30s and I’ve found even this small change does tend to get some *reactions* from people who feel we should be saving and climbing the career ladder. But it feels so freeing to just do it anyway!
Yeah this has been a big area of exploration and experimentation for me in the past two years of consistently being able to pay myself a salary within my own enoughness range. Unlearning the deeply conditioned urge to just... keep working and working and earning and earning no matter what.