Looking forward to this series! Back in 2016 I read “Lights Out” by Ted Koppel and I’m here to tell you that I wanted to go all in to prepper mode. When you realize just how unprepared we are and how vulnerable our grid is, it is eye-opening. But, like anything, I slipped back into my relative comfort (denial?) of every day living. I live in Florida where hurricanes and the potential for power loss are great, and I’ve noticed over the years that it takes longer and longer for the power to be restored, even when the storm was a relatively benign one (think Cat 1 or 2). And the storms keep getting bigger and more destructive. Then I think about the wars taking place around the world by men who lust for power and will stop at nothing to obtain it. Our natural environment is experiencing its own crisis and yet we continue to build, build, build and consume, consume,consume. We pay obscene amounts of money for people to throw, hit, catch and dunk balls yet so many Americans are struggling to pay their bills. It’s all so obscene and it makes me start hunting the internet for ways to escape, to live off grid, to be content with less. And sometimes it makes me feel like I’m dancing with two left feet - the need for less, but continuing to consume. Sigh.
Three summers ago, we lost power for 3 days. My 82 year old dad was living with us at that time and you would not believe how miserable he was about not being able to go online, as if he had never experienced life without the internet 😂
As for the state of the world and how it feels like we are just barreling towards destruction of the earth and humanity at an insane speed, I think the only thing that keeps me from being completely paralyzed is the hope that if we all do our tiny little bits, maybe we can make a small amount of difference.
I felt really frozen with fear and hopelessness for a long time, yeah. I think what snapped me out of it was realizing that it wasn't working. Fear and hopelessness feels so bad in my body, and it doesn't keep me safe, AND it prevents me from doing anything to prepare/help my beloveds & community/delight in all the daily joys of my life. May we all be the guy at my gym 😂
Also my 87-year-old father when he cannot access Facebook lol my god
Thank you for writing this! Part of it is hard to read because the topics are hard to think about. I feel the instinct to hide or avoid, a reaction that I have been paying attention to lately as much as my instinct to grasp for more more more. They seem to be two sides of the same coin: avoidance and greed. Sometimes I feel capable of handling one or the other, so I will lean into over-consumption, reading a lot, buying a lot, watching a lot, and then I will veer in the other direction, turning off the tech and closing my eyes to the issues of the world. Coming to spaces like substack, and reading things like your essay, are opening me more to the possibility that I can be soft with myself and still be open to seeing the reality of our modern world. Breathing, breathing. And maybe that in and of itself is a rebellion against empire.
I do not think you are being dramatic in the slightest. I would love a place to talk about this and try to figure out anything …. instead of confronting silence every time I try to bring up all of this to anyone in my life.
This is a brave piece of writing, Nic. You are brave to confront these issues head-on when the easier thing to do is to sigh and shake our head and feel overwhelmed and helpless. I too alternate between pledges and promises to be anti this, that and the other AND closing my eyes at the enormity of what it asks of me. I’m glad there are spaces such as these where we can ride the waves of helpless and hopeful together.
You may enjoy reading "This one wild and precious life" by Sarah Wilson. It talks about many of these topics with climate change at the forefront, and how we first need to not shy away from the issue - for instance she consciously watches the news daily to understand what's happening.
Disclaimer- I didn't finish it, but I'm not quite there yet in terms of not shying away from difficult topics.
Also - let's all be dancing guy at your gym, with no fucks to give!
your words always come to me at the right moments — I was reflecting on a similar topic today and I’m grateful that I have these letters to know I’m not alone!
Such a good and relevant post! I remember in my first year in the US, I had 100% electrical home (heating, cooking, everything) and when we had the storm and the power outage of 20ish hours, we were screwed because we didn't have any heating and couldn't make even a cup of tea. We knew we had to be better prepared and the experience of living in the 3rd World county + camping gear came in very handy. Looking forward to the series and I am definitely checking out the book recommendations!
This is so timely. Thank you for "coming out". It reminds me of two things: recently I was talking to a landmate about how some friends of mine are spending their summers traveling and exploring and "having experiences" and how comparatively sometimes it feels like I am "settling" for this small town rural life. They looked at me point blank and said "You can be otherworldly, or you can be of this world." We then talked about how neither is bad or good - both are important ways of being - the world needs all kinds of people living all kinds of life so that we have contrast and possibility and innovation and lots of ingredients in our pot.
It also reminds me that on our commune, we've started talking collectively about what hosting grief circles would look like. We have Thursday community potluck, but we are ready for more because "the most soothing thing I have begun to do for my nervous system is to just continually refuse to gaslight myself about the fact that we are indeed living in a time of polycrisis and collapse". Love you Nic.
Anna! I think about you and the things you've shared about your current living situation SO often. Not because I think it's "perfect" or "correct" but because it so deeply resonates with what I'm craving. Thank you for telling stories about your home and giving me that additional possibility model!
The summer travel (or just travel more generally) is something I've been thinking about a lot too (and will for sure talk more about in this essay series) because I'm honestly feeling a very tangible kind of grief over the places I won't go and the things I won't do by choosing a smaller and more hyper-local life. At first I felt embarrassed by this ("wow what a first world problem to feel grief about") but it really is what's coming up for me — the both/and of what I want to do most *and* of what I thereby need to surrender/give up (at least in part) to make it happen and to honor those deeper devotions.
Two weeks ago tomorrow Houston had a derecho come through and nearly 1 million electric customers were without power, including me. It was restored at my house within about 15 hours and then we had it for about two days when it went out again for 80 hours in which temperatures soared. We have a generator--we live in Houston after all--but it runs a handful of things and is a pain in the butt to deal with. I'm thankful for what we had to even run a couple of ceiling fans and lights and keep the refrigerator from defrosting but I still had to attempt to operate normally, go to work, take my kid to school (which somehow had power) and do chores---which is hard to do when the generator sucks at pumping the water in the well. I thought so many existential things during that time period. I've gone without power several times for hurricanes/storms, and then the Snowpocalypse we had in 2021 that turned out power in Texas for days on end. It's always eye-opening to what actually matters when it comes down to it. Once upon a time society was capable of dealing with some of these conditions but no longer. I considered many of the things you wrote about and more and I still have no answers for them because I am not a politician or billionaire with the capabilities to shape public policy.
This sounds like a great series. I heard of collapse about 6 months ago and was reminded of something my high school history teacher said constantly "All civilizations come to an end." It's oddly comforting to me. The earth will be here, civilizations come and go. I can't wait to read those books about living without money.
Also I just finished finished the herbalism podcast of Live Like the World is Dying and it was so good! Thanks for the recommendation!
Looking forward to this series! Back in 2016 I read “Lights Out” by Ted Koppel and I’m here to tell you that I wanted to go all in to prepper mode. When you realize just how unprepared we are and how vulnerable our grid is, it is eye-opening. But, like anything, I slipped back into my relative comfort (denial?) of every day living. I live in Florida where hurricanes and the potential for power loss are great, and I’ve noticed over the years that it takes longer and longer for the power to be restored, even when the storm was a relatively benign one (think Cat 1 or 2). And the storms keep getting bigger and more destructive. Then I think about the wars taking place around the world by men who lust for power and will stop at nothing to obtain it. Our natural environment is experiencing its own crisis and yet we continue to build, build, build and consume, consume,consume. We pay obscene amounts of money for people to throw, hit, catch and dunk balls yet so many Americans are struggling to pay their bills. It’s all so obscene and it makes me start hunting the internet for ways to escape, to live off grid, to be content with less. And sometimes it makes me feel like I’m dancing with two left feet - the need for less, but continuing to consume. Sigh.
"the need for less, but continuing to consume" so relatable! Thanks for sharing, Maureen.
Three summers ago, we lost power for 3 days. My 82 year old dad was living with us at that time and you would not believe how miserable he was about not being able to go online, as if he had never experienced life without the internet 😂
As for the state of the world and how it feels like we are just barreling towards destruction of the earth and humanity at an insane speed, I think the only thing that keeps me from being completely paralyzed is the hope that if we all do our tiny little bits, maybe we can make a small amount of difference.
I felt really frozen with fear and hopelessness for a long time, yeah. I think what snapped me out of it was realizing that it wasn't working. Fear and hopelessness feels so bad in my body, and it doesn't keep me safe, AND it prevents me from doing anything to prepare/help my beloveds & community/delight in all the daily joys of my life. May we all be the guy at my gym 😂
Also my 87-year-old father when he cannot access Facebook lol my god
Your dad lol
Thank you for writing this! Part of it is hard to read because the topics are hard to think about. I feel the instinct to hide or avoid, a reaction that I have been paying attention to lately as much as my instinct to grasp for more more more. They seem to be two sides of the same coin: avoidance and greed. Sometimes I feel capable of handling one or the other, so I will lean into over-consumption, reading a lot, buying a lot, watching a lot, and then I will veer in the other direction, turning off the tech and closing my eyes to the issues of the world. Coming to spaces like substack, and reading things like your essay, are opening me more to the possibility that I can be soft with myself and still be open to seeing the reality of our modern world. Breathing, breathing. And maybe that in and of itself is a rebellion against empire.
"I can be soft with myself and still be open to seeing the reality of our modern world. Breathing, breathing." love this!
Chaia, I can relate to the hide or avoid 😏
Just wait want to say: not melodramatic, absolutely on point, and very grateful for your writing and how it resonates with and inspires me. Thank you.
Thanks, Jessica <3
I do not think you are being dramatic in the slightest. I would love a place to talk about this and try to figure out anything …. instead of confronting silence every time I try to bring up all of this to anyone in my life.
Okay great, yes, we'll do some discussion threads and keep talking about it!
This is a brave piece of writing, Nic. You are brave to confront these issues head-on when the easier thing to do is to sigh and shake our head and feel overwhelmed and helpless. I too alternate between pledges and promises to be anti this, that and the other AND closing my eyes at the enormity of what it asks of me. I’m glad there are spaces such as these where we can ride the waves of helpless and hopeful together.
"ride the waves of helpless and hopeful" - love this!
Hahaha... I lived in Summer Hill for ten years! The Bower is cool, but what is *even cooler* is the entirety of the complex it's a part of - there's also The Addison Road Community Centre (https://addiroad.org.au/other-organisations-at-our-centre/), the city dump's re-sale shop, and other things (map: https://addiroad.org.au/about-us/contact-us/). They also host, hands down, my favorite farmer's market.
Oooo thank you for sharing! More fun links for me to explore and be inspired by!
You may enjoy reading "This one wild and precious life" by Sarah Wilson. It talks about many of these topics with climate change at the forefront, and how we first need to not shy away from the issue - for instance she consciously watches the news daily to understand what's happening.
Disclaimer- I didn't finish it, but I'm not quite there yet in terms of not shying away from difficult topics.
Also - let's all be dancing guy at your gym, with no fucks to give!
Yes! I read it when it first came out and have really appreciate the collapse-oriented episodes of her podcast, especially these two:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/nate-hagens-on-the-great-simplification/id1548626341?i=1000630076342
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/margaret-wheatley-an-episode-on-civilization/id1548626341?i=1000634046087
your words always come to me at the right moments — I was reflecting on a similar topic today and I’m grateful that I have these letters to know I’m not alone!
You are absolutely not alone! 💜
YES, here for this!
Thank you for all of this 💛
💜
Such a good and relevant post! I remember in my first year in the US, I had 100% electrical home (heating, cooking, everything) and when we had the storm and the power outage of 20ish hours, we were screwed because we didn't have any heating and couldn't make even a cup of tea. We knew we had to be better prepared and the experience of living in the 3rd World county + camping gear came in very handy. Looking forward to the series and I am definitely checking out the book recommendations!
This is so timely. Thank you for "coming out". It reminds me of two things: recently I was talking to a landmate about how some friends of mine are spending their summers traveling and exploring and "having experiences" and how comparatively sometimes it feels like I am "settling" for this small town rural life. They looked at me point blank and said "You can be otherworldly, or you can be of this world." We then talked about how neither is bad or good - both are important ways of being - the world needs all kinds of people living all kinds of life so that we have contrast and possibility and innovation and lots of ingredients in our pot.
It also reminds me that on our commune, we've started talking collectively about what hosting grief circles would look like. We have Thursday community potluck, but we are ready for more because "the most soothing thing I have begun to do for my nervous system is to just continually refuse to gaslight myself about the fact that we are indeed living in a time of polycrisis and collapse". Love you Nic.
Anna! I think about you and the things you've shared about your current living situation SO often. Not because I think it's "perfect" or "correct" but because it so deeply resonates with what I'm craving. Thank you for telling stories about your home and giving me that additional possibility model!
The summer travel (or just travel more generally) is something I've been thinking about a lot too (and will for sure talk more about in this essay series) because I'm honestly feeling a very tangible kind of grief over the places I won't go and the things I won't do by choosing a smaller and more hyper-local life. At first I felt embarrassed by this ("wow what a first world problem to feel grief about") but it really is what's coming up for me — the both/and of what I want to do most *and* of what I thereby need to surrender/give up (at least in part) to make it happen and to honor those deeper devotions.
tldr: love you too, thanks for sharing 💜
Two weeks ago tomorrow Houston had a derecho come through and nearly 1 million electric customers were without power, including me. It was restored at my house within about 15 hours and then we had it for about two days when it went out again for 80 hours in which temperatures soared. We have a generator--we live in Houston after all--but it runs a handful of things and is a pain in the butt to deal with. I'm thankful for what we had to even run a couple of ceiling fans and lights and keep the refrigerator from defrosting but I still had to attempt to operate normally, go to work, take my kid to school (which somehow had power) and do chores---which is hard to do when the generator sucks at pumping the water in the well. I thought so many existential things during that time period. I've gone without power several times for hurricanes/storms, and then the Snowpocalypse we had in 2021 that turned out power in Texas for days on end. It's always eye-opening to what actually matters when it comes down to it. Once upon a time society was capable of dealing with some of these conditions but no longer. I considered many of the things you wrote about and more and I still have no answers for them because I am not a politician or billionaire with the capabilities to shape public policy.
You are inspiring. I am going to reflect on changes I can make with Grace to not need to be perfect (I can get stuck in need for perfection).
This sounds like a great series. I heard of collapse about 6 months ago and was reminded of something my high school history teacher said constantly "All civilizations come to an end." It's oddly comforting to me. The earth will be here, civilizations come and go. I can't wait to read those books about living without money.
Also I just finished finished the herbalism podcast of Live Like the World is Dying and it was so good! Thanks for the recommendation!
If you liked the pod you might also enjoy this article Margaret wrote about collapse!
https://www.liveliketheworldisdying.com/were-all-preppers-now/