Damn, Nicole. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this journey and decision with us, and Iām grateful and excited to listen to the episodes soon too š
Wow, do I feel this! I am coming up on one year of when I quit/stopped producing one podcast and put another one hold with the intention to come back eventually. But eventually is really feeling like never. I don't want to podcast anymore, or at least the foreseeable future.
I appreciate your honesty in making the change and look forward to listening to the episodes you release here!
Your reflection questions really helped me realize my current state: I am ready to get off the road I am on, but the turns haven't appeared. I am, frankly, ready to turn down whatever road appears first, but thus far none have. I have my finger on the turn signal! I am going a thoughtful speed to turn! WHERE IS THE GOD DAMNED TURN?
That's where I'm at. Though I will say, at least this was a good song on the radio to keep driving to.
This also... and just acknowledging the huge effort it takes to create our own turns and then having to blaze a trail instead. If only the world build more roads and infrastructure to support alternative modes and paths.
Something I think about a lot in decision-making is my desire to make my past self proud and my future self grateful, and I really feel like that's what I've done here.
Hoo boy! I shut down my intentional writing spaces and times last month after weeks (months?) of not really feeling it. But being a writer is what Iāve ALWAYS SAID I ALWAYS WANTED! The bad voices (āSee? I told you wouldnāt couldnāt do it!ā) kept pushing me to do what I said I was going to do even as it wasnāt bringing me joy. The only part of me who still wanted to have a regular writing practice was my ego. What will my friends think if I tell them Iām no longer writing?? (You canāt see me but I just shook my head and shrugged.)
Your insistence, Nic, on paying attention to what feels right for you inspires me. Plus Iām so excited for your Sabbatical 2025! Itās gonna be scary and messy and a bunch of good and bad wasted time, and you will come out of it thriving in a way you have no way of knowing right now.
"The only part of me who still wanted to have a regular writing practice was my ego." This is SO real. Thanks for sharing, Ginn, and for sharing my excitement about the messy delight of my sabbatical year. I'm honestly really excited to write about it here throughout 2025 and see what comes up!
Yay! Congrats on making the right fit choice for you! And thank you for sharing this with us.
Also a begrudging thank you for the reminder that we can do this with our own lives. Itās begrudging because my brain likes to think that things that are allowed for others are not allowed for me, and itās very attached to that belief lol.
Practical question. Is the only option to listen to it on the substack app/website? The rss option for Apple Podcasts gave me an āunable to followā error message.
For the first 5-ish public episodes, yes. Once the project continues behind the paywall though, it should pop up automatically on the same feed as Rose Thorn Bud. That's my hope/what I think I understand from the backend of Substack anyway!
This is so powerful! And thank you for sharing these reflection questions - Iām planning a personal fall retreat and am excited to explore some of these :)
Love a personal retreat! I'm going on one at the end of October :)
If you're looking for an additional resource for solo retreat planning, here's the link to where you can find the free workbook I made about it: https://www.nicoleantoinette.com/workbooks
Thanks for for this letter! I put down my phone at the end and thought, well that was š„( The good kind of clearing the undergrowth fire!)
Iām excited to using the reflection questions to guide some journaling today. I have really been feeling that ādo not wantā at my new job working with highly suicidal people in one of the worst-ranked states for mental health treatment š„²
Iām also really excited for the podcast episodes, but hoping I can savor/listen to them slowly!
I love how you are really sticking to your promise to no self-coercion and making choices that stick with your underlying needs and truths and not the 'shoulds' of your past-self or society.
So beautiful, Nic.! This is so timely for me as Iām reviewing my options on Substack. I donāt enjoy āpaywallingā my content anymore and just feel the need to share everything I write with everyone. Iām giving myself permission to change my mind about it. I want to be soft, flexible, and mentally agile. Not a prisoner to my egoās lies.
Permission to change your mind, yes! I know plenty of writers who feel the same as you (freer and better without the paywall) and I love to hear that even as I feel the exact opposite, because it's such a good reminder that there isn't just one correct way for all of us :)
Standing ovation. YES. In awe of how openly, beautifully and swiftly you identified your very strong no, honored it and transformed it into a pivot that feels really good for you, feels really good for me (I want you to create freely and with sustainable joy and ease), AND invites more people to experience your inquiry by joining your paid audience. Hope you are celebrating this! This is the type of creating and working and evolution that I want to support. Yay! š
āI no longer have any desire to cling to the goal of not disappointing others if doing so will ultimately lead me to betray myself.ā Yes yes yes, I want this for everyone! š
Thanks, Lindsay! And you know, there's still nuance that I want to write more about in a future essay, because there's absolutely a very real part of the "never quit" experience that does resonate with me, especially in the realm of hiking/physical goals/overcoming our mental blocks to see how much stronger we are than we might initially imagine.
I love seeing how much grace you gave yourself in this process - that opened up space for to make a resonant decision. I also think that sometimes we don't know what the right choice is until we've made a certain amount of progress, but we are enculturated to never give up/not quit/stay the course/not look flaky, etc. You allowing yourself to short-circuit that programming is very inspiring. Excited to listen to the pod in its new space.
Right! Like how am I supposed to know if I like doing something if I have never done it before, or done it in this way, or as this version of myself?! The permission to try stuff and just... see, without being locked in, feels so necessary to me right now.
Damn, Nicole. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this journey and decision with us, and Iām grateful and excited to listen to the episodes soon too š
I really think you'll love the episodes! And thank you for the support š
Wow, do I feel this! I am coming up on one year of when I quit/stopped producing one podcast and put another one hold with the intention to come back eventually. But eventually is really feeling like never. I don't want to podcast anymore, or at least the foreseeable future.
I appreciate your honesty in making the change and look forward to listening to the episodes you release here!
Thanks, Misti. Celebrating your own decision in this same arena!
Your reflection questions really helped me realize my current state: I am ready to get off the road I am on, but the turns haven't appeared. I am, frankly, ready to turn down whatever road appears first, but thus far none have. I have my finger on the turn signal! I am going a thoughtful speed to turn! WHERE IS THE GOD DAMNED TURN?
That's where I'm at. Though I will say, at least this was a good song on the radio to keep driving to.
"WHERE IS THE GOD DAMNED TURN?"
Hoping for a beautifully scenic turn for you soon, friend š
also if what you need is a new address to plug into your GPS I will happily send you mine š
This also... and just acknowledging the huge effort it takes to create our own turns and then having to blaze a trail instead. If only the world build more roads and infrastructure to support alternative modes and paths.
Clawing my eyes out knowing I have to just create the turn. š©
I will save these reflection questions, because they look like they will be a great help to me.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and process with us. I really appreciate seeing how you made this decision and dealt with it.
Thanks, Cindy!
Something I think about a lot in decision-making is my desire to make my past self proud and my future self grateful, and I really feel like that's what I've done here.
Hoo boy! I shut down my intentional writing spaces and times last month after weeks (months?) of not really feeling it. But being a writer is what Iāve ALWAYS SAID I ALWAYS WANTED! The bad voices (āSee? I told you wouldnāt couldnāt do it!ā) kept pushing me to do what I said I was going to do even as it wasnāt bringing me joy. The only part of me who still wanted to have a regular writing practice was my ego. What will my friends think if I tell them Iām no longer writing?? (You canāt see me but I just shook my head and shrugged.)
Your insistence, Nic, on paying attention to what feels right for you inspires me. Plus Iām so excited for your Sabbatical 2025! Itās gonna be scary and messy and a bunch of good and bad wasted time, and you will come out of it thriving in a way you have no way of knowing right now.
"The only part of me who still wanted to have a regular writing practice was my ego." This is SO real. Thanks for sharing, Ginn, and for sharing my excitement about the messy delight of my sabbatical year. I'm honestly really excited to write about it here throughout 2025 and see what comes up!
This is so timely for me, thank you. Your honest reflections are always such a permission slip for me to trust my own self-knowledge.
This is such a meaningful compliment ā thank you, Kate!
Yay! Congrats on making the right fit choice for you! And thank you for sharing this with us.
Also a begrudging thank you for the reminder that we can do this with our own lives. Itās begrudging because my brain likes to think that things that are allowed for others are not allowed for me, and itās very attached to that belief lol.
Haha yes my brain is ALSO very attached to that same belief. The things I will happily allow/celebrate for others but not for myself, I swear!
Practical question. Is the only option to listen to it on the substack app/website? The rss option for Apple Podcasts gave me an āunable to followā error message.
For the first 5-ish public episodes, yes. Once the project continues behind the paywall though, it should pop up automatically on the same feed as Rose Thorn Bud. That's my hope/what I think I understand from the backend of Substack anyway!
I love this so much. All of it.
Thanks, Kim :)
This is so powerful! And thank you for sharing these reflection questions - Iām planning a personal fall retreat and am excited to explore some of these :)
Love a personal retreat! I'm going on one at the end of October :)
If you're looking for an additional resource for solo retreat planning, here's the link to where you can find the free workbook I made about it: https://www.nicoleantoinette.com/workbooks
Excited to listen, and excited for all that opens up by saying yes to yourself via not overriding your needs/desires -- thank you šš»š§”
I am excited for that, too! Really well said, Lisa. Thank youš
Thanks for for this letter! I put down my phone at the end and thought, well that was š„( The good kind of clearing the undergrowth fire!)
Iām excited to using the reflection questions to guide some journaling today. I have really been feeling that ādo not wantā at my new job working with highly suicidal people in one of the worst-ranked states for mental health treatment š„²
Iām also really excited for the podcast episodes, but hoping I can savor/listen to them slowly!
Love the distinction of a "clearing the undergrowth" kind of fire!
And don't worry, I plan to work on this project in a slow way going forward, so there will be much time for savoring :)
I love how you are really sticking to your promise to no self-coercion and making choices that stick with your underlying needs and truths and not the 'shoulds' of your past-self or society.
Thanks, Rachel :)
So beautiful, Nic.! This is so timely for me as Iām reviewing my options on Substack. I donāt enjoy āpaywallingā my content anymore and just feel the need to share everything I write with everyone. Iām giving myself permission to change my mind about it. I want to be soft, flexible, and mentally agile. Not a prisoner to my egoās lies.
Permission to change your mind, yes! I know plenty of writers who feel the same as you (freer and better without the paywall) and I love to hear that even as I feel the exact opposite, because it's such a good reminder that there isn't just one correct way for all of us :)
Standing ovation. YES. In awe of how openly, beautifully and swiftly you identified your very strong no, honored it and transformed it into a pivot that feels really good for you, feels really good for me (I want you to create freely and with sustainable joy and ease), AND invites more people to experience your inquiry by joining your paid audience. Hope you are celebrating this! This is the type of creating and working and evolution that I want to support. Yay! š
āI no longer have any desire to cling to the goal of not disappointing others if doing so will ultimately lead me to betray myself.ā Yes yes yes, I want this for everyone! š
I can so genuinely & tangibly feel your support here, Quinn. Thank you, thank you!
Thank you for sharing this! I was always the ānever quitā kind and your writing on this feels so freeing.
Thanks, Lindsay! And you know, there's still nuance that I want to write more about in a future essay, because there's absolutely a very real part of the "never quit" experience that does resonate with me, especially in the realm of hiking/physical goals/overcoming our mental blocks to see how much stronger we are than we might initially imagine.
I get it! Iām currently too sleepy from marathon training to be very thoughtful š
I love seeing how much grace you gave yourself in this process - that opened up space for to make a resonant decision. I also think that sometimes we don't know what the right choice is until we've made a certain amount of progress, but we are enculturated to never give up/not quit/stay the course/not look flaky, etc. You allowing yourself to short-circuit that programming is very inspiring. Excited to listen to the pod in its new space.
Right! Like how am I supposed to know if I like doing something if I have never done it before, or done it in this way, or as this version of myself?! The permission to try stuff and just... see, without being locked in, feels so necessary to me right now.